Hello Twelve, Hello Thirteen, Hello Love

Ok, this isn't technically related to porn or musical theatre, but it is incredibly relevent to all you men out there.

Losing your virginity after the age of 20 can lead to sexual dysfunction later in life.


I am not making this up. Columbia University, the proper one (in NYC) has just released a study that men who lose their virginity later "tend to be more likely to experience sexual dysfunction problems later in life."

I find this disturbing for one reason: Many religions support abstinence til marriage, correct? And western society advocates marriage later and later in life.

So how are sketchy men with mid-life crises able to fulfill their mistresses?

I ask because I am approaching mistress age. I'm old enough to be legal, but still young enough to look good. And admittedly, I love the idea of a sugar daddy. But let's face it, unless you have an arrangement that allows you to have a bit on the side as well, aren't you just dooming yourself to pathetic evenings of premature ejaculation and extensive nose hair?

On the flip side of the coin, scientists also noted similar results in men who lost their virginity too young. They haven't published figures for the too young results yet, but I'd be curious to know how young is too young? And are they dysfunctional later in life because they used up all the good spunk on other stupid teenagers?

Girls, this appears to mean that if we want a fulfilling sex life as we age, we need to find the half a dozen men who lost their virginity after the age of sixteen and don't still have it today. I'm not optimistic, are you?

My plan is to constantly have a string of lovers aged 25. I should be good, right?

If you don't believe me, read this: http://www.abcnews.go.com/Health/Sex/story?id=3932047&page=1