I Wish I Could Go Back to College

thanks to jezebel.com I just learned that according to a recent study, Generation X (which spans 1965-1985 and includes both authors of this blog) is having less sex than any other generation. We have "significantly fewer sexual partners and are less likely to be unfaithful than those who came before and after" us.

Well, I wonder where they are getting this from because either all the other generations are major sluts, or just my friends are the exception to the rule. I mean, what is the standard number of partners for the older and younger generations? I would like to compare that to my friends. Maybe it's just the liberal southern California college that I went to that leads me to think that the study is just talking to prudes, because at my university a "date" meant watching a "movie" in a dorm room and by movie I mean you started hooking up with in 5 minutes, or getting drunk, grinding on each other at a party, then going back to the available empty dorm room for some sexy time. Oh and both cases meant lots of alcohol was involved, obviously.

Of course, I have sat there while my grandfather has alluded to having sex with his girlfriend (or wanting to have sex since she's religiously celibate and he won't get married again), and had my mother hint at how the anxiety medication my father was on (and I am too) lead to some problems in bed, so I can say, while shuddering, I know the older generations are still getting it on, but are we really NOT getting it on? On top of that, it's those just younger than us, in college and high school, that are getting jiggy with it more regularly and with more partners.

Now, this relates directly to the big news that recently came out on the front cover of OK! Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney's little sis, is pregnant at 16. The best part of this story is how she was supposedly shocked that she was pregnant. I blame conservative abstinence only education for all this. Kids are taught not to have sex, which has been proven not to stop anything such as spread of infection or pregnancy. The problem is, not talking about it doesn't stop it. Not talking about it just leaves kids in the dark so they think two condoms are better than one. Which, we should all know, actually increases the likelihood of breaking and therefore pregnancy and disease.

My sister's watch such shows as Degrassi: the Next Generation, which supposedly "goes there" and teaches young adults the dangers of sexual activity. For example, in one episode Emma contracts chlamydia in her throat from giving head to a skeezy guy who then gives the std to his girlfriend and his girlfriend's best friend, all of whom who he is sexually involved with. However, it's curable and we never hear about it again after that episode. If we're "going there," why don't we deal with HIV/AIDs or even HPV. I have a few friends who've been "lucky" enough to get their cervix frozen. Now why don't we teach the younger generations this? That you can't cure everything? Or if you can cure something that it's not always painless or easy? Why don't they have HPV and cervical cancer scares on Degrassi? Why do the sex problems get pushed aside after an episode, wherein as the credits role we assume Emma gets some medication and is POOF all better? Why was the abortion episode banned from the air waves?

Most likely, Generation X has the least amount of sex and sexual partners because we grew up in the height of the AIDs pandemic. I grew up believing that if I had unprotected sex I could end up contracting HIV, Herpes, or another incurable disease, which to me, is much worse than getting pregnant. Generation Y isn't getting the same education. We can't rely on the government to get it through to them, so others need to step it up.

Maybe it's a good thing that we aren't having as much sex. Teen pregnancy is on the rise again, the CDC confirms it, meaning my generation helped lower it. I don't know if STD/STIs are on the rise, but I bet they are. I managed to get into my twenties with out a pregnancy or std scare, and I hope I can continue my good fortune into my thirties with out one either. Will the younger generation be the same? Luckily, my younger sisters are smart, and my parents are comfortable talking to us about such things so I'm pretty sure they'll be fine too. But will their friends?

There's a fine fine line

This is a theory on men and women and their sexual relationships that I've been sitting on for a long time.

The basis of all this is men have penises. I know, duh! But beyond that they ejaculate. They cum. They leave a mark. A discharge.

Women have vaginas. Holes. Vaginas are ultimate holes. If I read more Freud I could probably quote some part that says women are negative or empty compared to the man's penis. We have no phallus and ultimately are trying to achieve it in one way or another. That being said. This theory is most evident by the nearest numbers that visually match the vagina and the penis. 1 and 0.

Now that we have this straight, let me point out that I'm not some crazy anti woman kind of person. I consider myself quite feminist in most respects. However, this is based on many conversations with drunk girls crying to me about how easily guys can let go, and my . How men aren't so easily attached to women, relationships, virginity, and sex in general. To many, sex is a bodily function and nothing more. Whereas women put these higher in the emotional rating system.

Let's get back to men and women. Penises and vaginas. Ones and zeros. When having sex men put their dicks into us. They fill our "holes." They "complete" us by enacting what could, if planned/unprotected, would get you pregnant and ultimately allow you to complete the vicious psychoanalysis circle that Freud described. Women have no penis-women are castrated-women have babies to create a phallus and to stand in for the penis.

Whether or not a man actually cums in you, leaving his ejaculation physically, he is leaving it mentally and emotionally. He is also expelling all his "emotions" into you. Yes. Believe it. Into you. Men can walk away so easily because they leave any emotions or feelings they could have for you "in" you.

Think of it as a math equation. What would make a 1 a 0? Oh yes. A -1. So 1 + -1 = 1 - 1 = 0/ A man ejaculates his feelings (ejaculation and feelings both equally -1). A woman than absorbs it so 0 + -1 = 0 - 1 + -1. So a woman absorbs the evil negative emotions and (temporarily) gets to feel all shitty and the man gets to feel relatively normal but overall still on the "positive" side of it all.

Hello Twelve, Hello Thirteen, Hello Love

Ok, this isn't technically related to porn or musical theatre, but it is incredibly relevent to all you men out there.

Losing your virginity after the age of 20 can lead to sexual dysfunction later in life.


I am not making this up. Columbia University, the proper one (in NYC) has just released a study that men who lose their virginity later "tend to be more likely to experience sexual dysfunction problems later in life."

I find this disturbing for one reason: Many religions support abstinence til marriage, correct? And western society advocates marriage later and later in life.

So how are sketchy men with mid-life crises able to fulfill their mistresses?

I ask because I am approaching mistress age. I'm old enough to be legal, but still young enough to look good. And admittedly, I love the idea of a sugar daddy. But let's face it, unless you have an arrangement that allows you to have a bit on the side as well, aren't you just dooming yourself to pathetic evenings of premature ejaculation and extensive nose hair?

On the flip side of the coin, scientists also noted similar results in men who lost their virginity too young. They haven't published figures for the too young results yet, but I'd be curious to know how young is too young? And are they dysfunctional later in life because they used up all the good spunk on other stupid teenagers?

Girls, this appears to mean that if we want a fulfilling sex life as we age, we need to find the half a dozen men who lost their virginity after the age of sixteen and don't still have it today. I'm not optimistic, are you?

My plan is to constantly have a string of lovers aged 25. I should be good, right?

If you don't believe me, read this: http://www.abcnews.go.com/Health/Sex/story?id=3932047&page=1

Hold Me Bat boy

Taken from Fleshbot:

"In what just may be the most stunning piece of medical research ever published, we're informed that staring at boobs for just five minutes every day can actually prolong your life. So what if the Weekly World News isn't exactly known as a reliable source for cutting-edge scientific breakthroughs?"

It's from the Weekly World News, so obviously unresearched but quite entertaining nonetheless.

I'll raise a glass and hope it is true, because XXXtina and I will be all over that, like whoa.

I am the Pirate King...

and Evan Stone is Captain Edward Reynolds, "the greatest pirate hunter in the world" according to perhaps the greatest porn ever made, Pirates.


Directed by Joone and released by Digital Playground in 2005, this is the most well crafted, planned, written, and directed Porn I have ever seen. There are plenty of Hollywood Porn knock offs out there, but this one is done with a style and flair rarely seen in the Adult Industry. Full blown sets, costumes, and even, dare I say it, writing! I have found myself watching it many times for the story. And I mean it.

It's plot is simple. Captain Edward and his first mate Jules (Jesse Jane), are after Captain Victor Stagnetti (Tommy Gunn doing his best Johnny Depp impression) and his equally blonde and sexy first mate Serena (Janine Lindemulder), who have kidnapped Manuel Valenzuela (Kris Slater) and nearly killed Manuel's wife, Isabella (Carmen Luvana) on their wedding night. Much like the film it is based on, there's deception, magic and CGI skeletons on the journey to rescue Manuel from Stagnetti and reunite him with his love.

A long the way, Isabella has not one, but two lesbian experiences, Serena questions her evil ways, Jules pleasures the crew, an ex (Steven St. Croix) and both Serena and Isabella. As in any porn, it's the girls who really get any, but Victor tallies up one scene with Serena, and Edward gets it on with three ladies of the Pink Cannonballs, two at once (though one is really just a glorified fluffer and gets no real action but part of the final "money shot") and one in a barn while its on fire (and of course when the crazy, 5'0 stalker prostitute says she'll only let you out of the burning barn if you "make love" to her then you obviously need to get 'er done before rescuing yourself or your childhood friend and first mate. Only poor Manuel gets Isabella once on their wedding night and once at the end, though he does get the promise that next time Isabella gets it on with another girl (which she realized she REALLY liked and was really really really worried Manuel would be upset about) he'll get to watch and maybe even join in.

I hope no one thinks I've ruined the plot. It's pretty straight forward from the get go, and most people don't really watch porn for the "story." However, the details I haven't shared are perhaps the best. Watch for mean girl on girl biting and slapping sex, candles, and deflowering.

Now, before I wrap this up I have a few things to say. One, Jesse Jane is perhaps the scariest female performer there is. Her sex scenes are all slapping, biting, sweat, and spit, and her implants jiggle in some of the most disturbing ways. XXXtina and I could even detect the scars from her procedure(s) with little effort. This might not bother most of the intended audience, but for a porn that could easily break the gender barrier of porn being primarily consumed by men, it's little things like this that disgust most women. Now, watching Janine is a breath of fresh air compared to Jesse and Carmen. She's sexy, gorgeous, and not my age or younger (both Authors of this blog are in their early twenties). At just under 40, she's the sexiest woman in the whole video, and one of the better actresses but that probably comes with about 20 years of experience.

Speaking of acting, it's amazing to witness Steven St. Croix in action. Though it seems he studied from the Will Ferrel school of acting (and looks quite a bit like the Hollywood actor in the video) he's a breath of fresh air and made me develop some what of a "talent crush" on him (talent crush=crushing on one for what he/she does rather than how he/she looks--ie crushing on their talent). He's the only porn star I've ever actually looked up to see what else he has done. This isn't to say the other male actors aren't equally entertaining, but I will admit, if my friends are wary of the movie, I show St. Croix's scenes first, and soon they have me starting it from the beginning and watching it over and over.

I refuse to do an actual rating system (because I find them arbitrary and silly) but I will say this is a must have for everyone's pornfolio.

The DVD is available from Digital Playground for $49.95.

The Internet is For Porn

Let's face it, there are only two good things in this world: sex and musical theatre. And here, we strive to offer our insight and opinions on both.

Boobs boobs boobs. Now we'll show up on just about any search by a heterosexual male looking for porn.

Thing is, there is more to life than a great pair of tits (although Thrilla and I both happen to be stacked, a 38FF and 34G respectively). After all, there's love, music, and many, many other things that surface in Peter Allen songs.

But we aren't intersted in any of those things. We are interested in sex and musical theatre.

So if you have stories relating to either of those . . . or both at the same time, we're not here to judge, then pass them along. We'll show you ours if you show us yours.